Is there any reason not to believe that fast food establishments are really just testing us to see what hideous things we will eat?
The latest thing you will be ashamed to eat is anything that comes from Taco Bell’s breakfast menu, which includes items like the Waffle Taco, the A.M. Crunchwrap and various other incarnations of meat, cheese and eggs stuffed into things. Trying to hold all of a breakfast in a waffle is something a five-year-old would do, but now you can recapture that youth while simultaneously begging for forgiveness from your god.
The menu has actually been tested in a few locations, but it will be unleashed onto the entire national public March 27. Taco Bell plans on competing with McDonald’s to see who can cause the most morning diarrhea in offices around the country and, from the looks of it, it appears to be a worthy adversary.
There are even plans to sell coffee for the first time, which should prove to have hilariously disastrous results when combined with any of these abominations that Taco Bell has dreamed up.
So forget that resolution you made to get fit and take the time to eat breakfast at home. Who the hell has time to make oatmeal or eat disgusting fruit when you can sleep in, jump in the car and head over to Taco Bell to eat a meat-ish patty, eggs and syrup barely* held together by a waffle?
Even better, you’ll get to relive the breakfast excitement as you rush from your car to the office restroom or, if you have a slightly stronger stomach, as you squirm in your desk, sweating profusely as you try to hold in the oncoming storm.
*There is little reason to believe this will ever be held together.
