I’ve never truly understood the appeal of lawn ornaments. Outside of holidays like Halloween and Christmas, the best lawns to me have always relied on cultivating nature as opposed to sticking gnomes and flamingos and racism haphazardly across the yard.
But hey, it’s a free country. People can do what they want with their property. On the whole it doesn’t affect my life at all. Except for the fucking fake deer.
See, I live in Northeast Ohio. We have plenty of real deer around, and they have a tendency to run out into the street when you are driving. If you’ve never hit a deer with your car, it looks like this and it’s really something you should avoid. If you’re driving and you see deer on the side of the road, you stop and wait for them to go wherever they’re going.
So with that in mind, why the FUCK would you put fake deer on your front lawn by the side of the road?!
Are you trying to be a dick? Do you want everyone driving by to momentarily stop because they think a real deer might be about to cross the road? Because that’s what having it there does. This is even worse at night. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve freaked out when my headlights hit that Doe of Damnation and slam on the breaks all because someone thought their yard wasn’t outdoorsy enough.
So please please PLEASE put the lawn deer away. People are already terrible drivers without the difficulty being upped by propping up fake dangers. I thank you for your compliance.
