A part of the “What’s Up With Stuff?” series.
A few weeks ago, the higher-ups at Robot Butt, in their infinite wisdom, decided to send my grandfather on a mission. Where he was going was a question that he could not answer, even at the behest of his family. He couldn’t even tell us how long he’d be gone.
Well, friends, it saddens me to say that as he was waiting for a connecting flight to get to his first undisclosed location, he got a bit too drunk at the airport. For three weeks his body sat in a chair in the Des Moines, Iowa airport, sunglasses on, head tilted back. Onlookers said they just thought it was some creepy grandpa who had passed out from too much wine. Well, that was my creepy grandpa, and we all know that he sure as shit wasn’t drinking wine.
They say the best way to deal with death is to celebrate the life, so we’ve rounded up some of the people who knew him best. We wanted them to tell you about Rex, the man, in their own words.
“Rex played drums on my last album. While he can’t keep time, he was a real hit with the Lee groupies!” – Sir Christopher Lee
“One time Rex wandered his way on to the set of Whose Line, holding a bottle of scotch, smoking a cigar. We used him as one of the props in a game, and to this day I don’t think he remembers it.” – Colin Mochrie
“If anything happens to me, check the whereabouts of Rex Forsight.” – Robin Williams (taken from an earlier interview)
“I’ll always remember the time Rex bought me and my friends beer and cigarettes before we were old enough to buy them ourselves. That guy was alright.” – Tanner Myers (Robot Butt CEO’s nephew)
“He was the guy *I* made a meme off of.” – Chuck Norris
“The line ‘Dirty deeds done dirt cheap’ was actually a tattoo across Rex’s chest. I spotted it one night and thought it’d make a hell of a song.” – Angus Young, AC/DC
“Dude was a bad-ass motherfucker.” – Toni Morrison
“Good riddance.” – President Obama
“[sad beep]” – R2-D2
“Back in ’99 Rex was covering the elections in Syria and I was a newly appointed colonel in the army on PR duty. Well, Rex and I got to drinking and before too long he was telling me that I should be the one running for office. Needless to say, I took it to heart, and to this day I still thank Rex for the inspiration.” – Bashar al-Assad
“Today, we are all Rex Forsight” – Bill O’Reilly
“I withdrew from the public due to his watchful gaze.” – J.D. Salinger
“Most people are unaware that Rex Forsight kept the Cuban dream alive for years through carefully thought-out intelligence leaks.” – Fidel Castro
“I wanted to write an all-encompassing song about things he’d had a hand in and that’s where we got We Didn’t Start the Fire.” – Billy Joel
Wherever you are, Gampy Forsight, I know that you’re looking down at us, yelling about how something we’re doing is too modern or something. You will be missed.
