One of the blessings of being a millennial is the joy of apartment living. At our age, our parents had already bought houses and didn’t even know what college loans were. Their furniture was probably just as hodge-podgey as ours is but at least they had their own property tax to pay.
The misleading part of apartment living is college. That’s when it’s fun. You get to live with your best friends with limited responsibilities next to other friends with similar, if not identical, lifestyles. What they don’t tell you about apartment living is how horrible it can be after graduation, mostly because of the monsters that often end up living close to you.
These little monsters can be anywhere. It’s bad enough when they’re screeching in the hallway on the way in or out of the building, but the worst is when they live directly above you. The little terrors have no sense of voice control and find it completely acceptable to scream, yelp, sing, and jabber all the time. That’s right, they even jabber.
How could it be worse, you ask? They have unlimited energy and find it preferable to run or stomp than walk like a normal being. The best is when they throw monster tantrums [monster tantrum: (noun) an uncontrolled burst of anger and frustration, typically in a young monster]. The particular monster above my current living space prefers to throw his tantrums while lying face down on the floor and banging all four extremities in the room above my bedroom 30 minutes before my alarm EVERY MORNING.
Okay, I admit I don’t have visual confirmation of this strategy. It’s just the only way I can explain the noises that wake me up every morning.
For privacy reasons I’ll refer to the monster above me as Julio (I’m not a monster who would name a three-year-old to the general public. He’s the monster for being so horrible!). Don’t let his curly locks fool you. He’s the worst! Julio systematically loses his shit in the loudest way possible on a daily basis, remember? I don’t know why but his parents haven’t gotten rid of him yet.
Perhaps that means that, like our lucky-dog parents with their mortgages, we will one day create little monsters ourselves only to become the parents who we look at currently and wonder, “Why? Why is your child so unbearable, and why don’t you seem to notice?!”
If that isn’t the most monstrous thing that could happen, I don’t know what is.
