BLOOMINGTON, IN – After seemingly eons of confinement within its cartridge, a Game Genie emerged today at the behest of its master.
“I have arisen!” the Genie said. “May the lowly quake in fear at the return of Cyrolous, Lord of Pain and Defiler of Worlds!”
Though wedged between a middle school yearbook and a pair of old snow boots for more than a decade, the Genie promptly regained its status as High Necromancer by laying waste to hundreds of residents of the Mushroom Kingdom.
“He’s back? Mother of God,” said a Koopa Troopa before reciting the Lord’s Prayer.
Ongoing reports indicate that the Genie has continued its onslaught of destruction across dozens of worlds, subjecting Hyrule, Zebes and Dreamland, among others, to what it calls a “blood feast.”
Reached for comment, summoner Brian Hillis called the Genie “Fuckin’ sweet.”
