SALT LAKE CITY, Utah – Today, a particle of pure light and energy, born mere moments after the heavens themselves were created, completed an historic 14 billion-year trip through time and space by landing safely and squarely on a freshly laid, and still steaming, dog turd.
Emmett, a four-year-old Jack Russell Terrier, had the honor of producing and distributing the poop for the once-in-a-lifetime cosmic event, and at press time was celebrating by knocking over his owner’s trash can and chewing on a nine-day-old rotisserie chicken.
