BAVARIA, Germany – Saying it came as quite a shock, a pterodactyl recently learned it’s not actually a dinosaur, a fact that has caused increased stress and depression for the creature.
“I don’t really know what to say,” the pterodactyl said. “You live your whole life believing in something only to find out it’s a lie. So I’m a ‘pterosaur,’ huh? Whoopie. There goes 65 million years of brand recognition.”
The pterodactyl said it learned of the issue after Googling the upcoming release of Jurassic World, the newest installment in the popular Jurassic Park franchise.
“With the new movie and all I figured I’d bone up on a little history, get my facts straight in case a reporter wanted to quote me – Christ, what a mistake.”
Though the pterodactyl has joined a support group for non-dinosaurs – “Saur Subjects,” which includes pteranodons, plesiosaurs and mosasaurs and focuses on coping in a dinosaur-centered world – the pterodactyl said it has found little solace.
“I’ve just been in a downward spiral since finding out,” the creature said. “And not the good kind which usually nets me 8-10 fish in a single dive.”
However, things may be looking up for the pterodactyl after all. At the close of our interview, a small boy approached it and said, “I don’t care. You’ll always be my favorite.”
Upon hearing the boy’s words, an unmistakable spark appeared to return to the creature and it swiftly opened its beak, flung the child to the ground, and began to feast upon his sweet eye juices.
