CHARLESTON – True equity and equality for all people, regardless of skin color, religion, creed, or any other characteristic, was finally achieved today in Charleston as a flag outside of the South Carolina state house will be taken down, per the law passed by the governing body of the state.
“I’m just so excited,” said one man camping outside of the state house to witness history. “Now that the Confederate flag won’t fly outside of the state house, all prejudice and bigotry will cease to exist! I can’t wait for post-race America!”
“This is the single most significant thing that has ever happened to human civilization,” said Gov. Nikki Haley. “After this one action, all unnecessary and unfounded hatred will be banished from history. We’re on the brink of a golden-age. I hope with all this newfound time on our hands we can go to Mars. I really want to go to Mars.”
Sociologists and anthropologists agree that because of the Confederate flag’s removal, their jobs will be a lot less interesting in the future. “With no more unfounded hatred in the world, politicians are going to have a much harder time dividing people and making them fight for resources, particularly when the resources aren’t scarce,” says Jim Fremont, professor of sociology at the College of Charleston. “Hopefully some aliens will visit us soon and cause some kind of strife, or else my future colleagues’ jobs are going to be pretty boring. History is only cool because of the conflict.”
