After rumors spread that Disney would be doing away with the iconic “Slave Leia” outfit, nerds across the country have slowly been coming to terms with the idea of having to jerk off more frequently to alien singer Sy Snootles.
Despite being the lead singer of the Max Rebo Band, Sy has always been in the shadow of the flashier Slave Leia in terms of Star Wars-related spank fuel. But as the nation’s geeks deal with the thought of losing their preferred choice for stain-making, many have already come to the realization that they may have no recourse but to settle for a less than ideal source of crank material.
Researchers estimate that Slave Leia has been masturbated to approximately 25 million times, placing her squarely between Pamela Anderson and 8th grade science teacher Mrs. Williamson. By comparison, Sy has only garnered an estimated six total stroke sessions thus far, but that number is expected to experience a very healthy spike as Star Wars fans are forced to find new avenues for self-pleasure.
Sy may not seem like an obvious choice; however, many fans deem Padme Amidala too “clothed,” and while masturbating to the idea of Jar Jar Binks getting Force-choked has its supporters, it is considered too abstract for most.
Some refuse to settle, though. Blogger Shane Dwells posted a scathing rebuke of the potential decision, calling out Disney for “destroying the Star Wars franchise” for daring to treat a female character with respect.
Not all fans are this upset, though, with many striving to look on the bright side. “Sy is definitely not my first choice,” said Kyle Stringer, a Star Wars superfan who helps moderate forums on the Star Wars informational website Wookipedia. “But on the plus side, she does show a lot of skin.”
