Black Friday shopping is stressful, but it doesn’t have to be! With these 16 tips, you’ll be nabbing up sweet deals and taking care of business all day long.
- Sleeping in front of Best Buy can double as that camping trip you promised your son.
- You may not think you need more bath towels, but you haven’t truly lived until you’ve bought one at 90% off!
- Fun fact: Black Friday is named for the color your soul permanently turns upon entering a Walmart at 3 a.m. for a Toby Keith box set.
- Don’t leave the kids out of the fun. Children have a variety of uses, from scouts to pickpockets to tearful diversions, and if things really heat up, they make great human shields.
- Since you’re all cattle being herded into the stores anyway, don’t be afraid to bust out that cattle prodder to create openings!
- Your forefathers’ lives depended on their ability to hunt. Harness that ability now to save 20% on a Microsoft Surface Pro 4.
- Remember: Eyes, genitals, knees. You’ll do fine.
- Pro tip: One flatscreen per store has a bar of gold hidden inside. Will YOU be the one to find it?
- Consider doing your shopping online on Cyber Monday, allowing you to fully focus on beating up other adults on Black Friday.
- Watch Vietnam War footage on an endless loop the day before you head out to put yourself in the proper mindset.
- Use this day to show everyone that your training for American Ninja Warrior does have practical use.
- Many stores say they’re staying closed for Black Friday. Call their bluff.
- Bring turkey leftovers to hand out in line. Your fellow shoppers will thank you, but if you time it right, the tryptophan will kick in right as the doors open.
- Claim that the store misrepresented its hours, sue for $100,000 and buy anything you want for Christmas!
- Choose the items you fight over carefully. You can only carry so many shanks.
- Keep in mind: Everyone out on Black Friday is an asshole, except for you. You actually NEED to be out shopping.
