CLEVELAND – With news of his firing spreading throughout the sports world, former Cleveland Cavaliers head coach David Blatt has already informed media members of his next steps.
“Instead of coaching overseas again, I will return to my roots as the leader of the Easter Island moai,” Blatt said. He is currently on a plane making the 34-hour flight to the remote island, where he will immediately reign over the mysterious ancient shapes once again.
Before he got into basketball, Blatt was raised beneath the large stone shadows. He spent his youth with the statues and got his big break on his 21st birthday, when he was named Head Head of Easter Island.
As ruler of the island, Blatt will sit on his throne, next to the statues, staring out upon the water in majestic reverence as, day-by-day, the sun rises and sets.
Farewell, sweet prince.
