The unexpectedly strong campaign of Bernie Sanders is really doing a number on Hillary Clinton. Though she was long expected to waltz to the Democratic nomination without any resistance, that just hasn’t been the case.
And now the strain of yet another grueling campaign slog is really starting to affect the former Secretary of State. Now, I’m a married man, but keeping in line with traditional Clinton values, Hillary doesn’t seem to mind. Even worse, she doesn’t seem to understand or care that the following emails are just a painfully transparent attempt to just secure my vote by any means necessary.
Here is a recent email I received from her:
I don’t even want to know what obscene video the link in that email might point to.
You might figure that I’d be shocked by Clinton’s attempt to seduce me for a vote, but she’s been running this game for quite some time. Just look at some of the other emails I’ve received from her this primary season:
I think she figured I would be skeptical about her initial sexual advances, so Clinton tried to reassure me her feelings were real in subsequent emails.
As you can see, she was starting to get a little impatient and aggressive, demanding that I relay my feelings. But she wasn’t about to take my silence as the answer I was hoping to convey.
Clearly, Hillary Clinton is not used to having her attempts at romantic conquest rebuffed, so she turned up the heat on me with furious tirades, turning on a dime with one more desperate plea for my love.
Then suddenly, it appears that Clinton had a change of heart. Maybe she realized she shouldn’t be trying to seduce a married man through email (you’d think she would have learned her lesson on emails by now). That regret didn’t last long, though.
I guess it’s flattering to know Clinton is running for president just to impress me, but I wasn’t about to cave. Did that stop her, though? Of course not.
Here she is right before the Democratic town hall on February 18th and the day after (trying to make it seem like I’m passing up a deal so many other people are lining up for):
Then came another series of pleas for my love:
After that, Hillary started to change up her approach. Rather than constantly pleading with me to love her, she went with the strategy of pretending like she was cool with it, and just wanted to be friends after all.
First, she just wanted to joke around about Donald Trump:
Then she tried a vague email she figured she could trick me into reading, which would undoubtedly devolve into a 3,000-word rant about how much she loves me, how no one will ever love me like she does, and how if I just gave her a chance, she could make me so happy.
It didn’t work.
To make matters even worse, I’m somehow getting on the bad side of the entire Clinton family through all of this.
It’s going to be a long and weird road to November.
