PYONGYANG – The Korean Central News Agency excitedly announced today that North Korea has won new sanctions from the United Nations in a perfect 15-0 victory.
“The UN was very impressed with our powerful, unmatched nuclear abilities and awarded us this high honor,” a KCNA spokesman said.
The spokesman, who remained anonymous at the request of supreme leader Kim Jong-un, said, “We were given this excellent recognition by our weakest enemies, the United States and China. Both of them are highly embarrassed by our eternal strength and wish to gain our hand in support.”
At press time, UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon sighed and reiterated that “this probably doesn’t end well.”
