“Grandpa, why were people so embarrassingly stupid back in your day?”
That’s quite a thing for a precocious little boy or girl to ask his/her grandfather, but I know it’s coming. For every state Donald Trump wins this Republican primary season, I grow closer to the dark realization that I will one day have to answer for just what in the hell people were thinking in the year 2016.
Now, I know my grandchildren asking me about Trump means he won’t win the presidential election, because if he does we will have all died in a nuclear war with China long before I could even have children.
But still, the world ending from nuclear war seems like a better scenario than having to answer questions as to why anyone would ever vote for a living, breathing racist sack of potatoes with googly eyes glued to it. I’d rather take President Trump’s Nuclear War Sponsored By Pornhub than stumble my way through some sort of answer about uh, dissatisfaction with the establishment or, um, something about people being drawn to a straight shooter, when I know it’s just because there are a lot of wildly dumb people out there, just like every generation before mine.
And just my luck, my children’s generation will have probably figured out universal equality by then, so it’ll be even more embarrassing to explain how we nearly nominated a man who talked about the size of his penis on national television.
