The world looked on with a neutral expression this morning as all wonders, amazements and marvels came to a screeching halt.
“I’ve seen a lot of miraculous things in my day,” said one bystander. “It’s nice to know I don’t have to worry about seeing any more.”
Wonders have long plagued the universe, providing unwanted distractions for more than 13.82 billion years, with experts putting the estimated cost of decreased worker productivity through human history at over $750 trillion.
A tornado of fire in the Old Testament, the gentle dance of planets in their orbit, or even the serene beauty of a summer sunrise – all of these are miracles of existence and they’ve all caused untold harm to human kind, according to economist Heidi Wallendal.
“How many cures for cancer have been lost when a scientist decided to stop and smell the roses instead of going straight to the lab to finish their experiments?” Wallendal asked. “Thankfully, those days are behind us now.”
