WASHINGTON – Engaging once again in what has become a time-honored tradition, President Obama issued his eighth St. Patrick’s Day pardon, with this year’s recipients being the O’Healy family of Boston.
According to reports, the O’Healys have long been in the running for the honor of the presidential pardon and were even offered one in 1998 by then-president Bill Clinton. However, the opportunity was lost when the family failed to show at the White House after becoming “wicked hungover” following a particularly raucous Dropkick Murphys concert.
Smiling at reporters, President Obama sidestepped a puddle of Jameson and urine before approaching the podium to address the brawling O’Healy family.
“A lot of people talk about the luck of the Irish,” Obama said. “Well, that’s got to be true because I’m pretty sure every member of this family is facing a recent felony charge. Anyway, enjoy it, guys.”
In accordance with the custom, the O’Healys’ pardon absolves them of “all past and future crimes,” making them essentially above the law.
In celebration upon receiving the pardon, the O’Healys promptly threw a number of beer bottles to the White House floor and launched into an off-key rendition of “Danny Boy.”
The O’Healys are just the most recent family to receive the honor in a St. Patrick’s Day tradition that stretches back decades. The pardoning ceremony originated in 1979 when President Jimmy Carter was encouraged to begin the practice after his brother Billy had “gotten in too deep” with the Irish mafia.
