As families across the country prepare to celebrate Easter with food, candy and decoratively colored eggs, groups of Anglo-Saxon pagans have been protesting the commercialization of the holiday by trying to remind everyone of the reason for the season: the fertility goddess Ēostre.
“All of our Easter traditions stem from the celebrations of Ēostre,” explained Kimberly Prevett, leader of the local pagan group. “All the rabbits and eggs, those are her symbols of fertility. Not that anyone cares anymore. Parents today are too busy stuffing their children with chocolate to even build and burn the traditional Eoster wicker man. We have completely lost the meaning of the holiday.”
Urging business and local governments to ‘Keep the Eostre in Easter,’ Prevett and similar-minded people fear that the shift in focus is evidence of a moral decline in our society. “It’s getting so you can’t even set up a bonfire in front of the courthouse and jump over the embers any more,” said a member of Prevett’s group who wished to remain anonymous. “Thanks, PC police.”
Regardless of what the general sentiment of the holiday might be, Prevett remains dedicated to educating people about the true meaning of Easter.
“Where do you people think the word ‘Easter’ even comes from?” she pleaded with a look of desperation in her eyes. “What the hell did you think that word meant?”
