HATTIESBURG, Miss. – Scientists at Phobus Labs in Hattiesburg, Mississippi are on the verge of an incredible breakthrough in the field of disenfranchisement. According to spokesman Virgil Lee Bowers, the organization could be ready to publicly unveil the results of its research as soon as next month.
“Honestly, it’s been since the early 1600’s when the first Africans were brought over that we’ve seen something this incredible,” Bowers said. “It really is an exciting time to be doing God’s work.”
Details are still scarce at this point, as Phobus Labs is keeping its work under a large veil of secrecy. “I can’t tell you whether it will deal with race, gender or maybe even [expletive removed],” Bowers remarked. “But I will tell you that all us guys here are very excited. It’s something really innovative.”
As Phobus Labs has fallen under heavy criticism in recent years for failing to produce noteworthy advances in disenfranchisement, the lab’s scientists are hoping this development signals a change. “All I can tell you for now,” Bowers concluded, “is that this new product is going to generate a whole lot of amazing hate, and maybe, just maybe, will help heal this broken country of ours.”
“We’ve found something weird, I can tell you that,” said one anonymous lab assistant.
