EARTH – Humanity celebrated the 46th annual Earth Day this year, wholly unaware that it would be the planet’s last. As revelers cheered on climate change legislation and rode their bikes to work, they remained blissfully unaware that Earth would not be celebrating a 47th Earth Day next year.
“It’s simply a matter of probability,” alien lord Drexnum said from a spaceship hurtling toward Earth at unimaginable speed. The spacecraft is one of thousands set to arrive at our strangely hospitable planet in slightly less than one year.
Green-thinking residents of Earth’s cities were seen completely ignorant of their impending doom, thinking that by unplugging electronics today, they could undo irreparable damage already committed upon the planet. Some energy-conscious humans see the day as a chance to educate others about conservation by sharing tips on social media.
Drexnum, speaking through a hyper-advanced translating system incomprehensible to man, doesn’t see the point. “If only Earth-humans could understand that they’ve already done enough to allow themselves to be discovered by far more advanced, ruthless species. That was poor planning.”
The creature refused to specify whether it would be a hostile takeover of the human race or if the entire planet’s impressive 4.5 billion-year run would come to an end.
The alien concluded its briefing by saying, “We’re just hoping there’s still a planet for us to take over in eleven months. It really seems like they’re doing a number on it already.”
