[INSERT LOCATION] – At a press conference this morning, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump [insert joke about something insane he said or did] setting off yet another controversy for the candidate.
“I can’t believe he [here is where I could make a joke about him yelling at a baby, but no, he goddamn did that in real life],” expressed registered voter Claire Lee. “This whole campaign was already getting out of hand. And then he [insert something else ridiculous, but let’s be real here, if he hasn’t done it yet just give it a week].”
Pundits have been weighing in on the controversy, predicting his poll numbers would certainly fall after [he actually called for an assassination attempt on Hillary Clinton, so how the fuck am I supposed to escalate from that to comedic effect?!]
Not everyone has been so confident however, as MSNBC’s Chris Hayes has pointed out that Trump’s demise has been predicted numerous times before and he has continued to move forward, even after his comments about [the existence of Narnia – why the hell not?].
Trump has defended himself, claiming the media is blowing things out of proportion. He then went on to [Seriously, fuck you Trump. Do you have any idea how many drafts I’ve started and tossed out, because every time I think I’ve found a decent angle to work with you go out and do something even more unbelievable? I have deadlines, you ass. There isn’t even a point in trying to make jokes about you anymore. You’ve killed comedy]. Trump then continued “It’s all rigged.”
Hoping to put the current scandal behind it, the Trump campaign has announced that tomorrow he will [evolve into a Dragon-type Pokemon, maybe? Who gives a fuck anymore].
