Picture this: you’re in the first stages of “talking” to a new guy. You’ve exchanged some witty repartee, a few innuendos and dates you thought went really well, many winky emojis, and just as soon as you’re about to ask if he wants to hit up the new Stranger Things-themed bar, he totally disappears. You’re worried, so you overanalyze those texts. Did you come on too strong when you said “You’re like a box of waffles, I just can’t L’eggo of you?” Did he actually get eaten by a Demogorgon?
Well, the answer to why he hasn’t responded to your texts will shock you. He might be Casper the Friendly Ghost. But how can you know for certain?
Your man might be Casper if:
1. You’d describe him as a ghostly, portly little boy. Try to remember when you were knocking back some Fireball-shot-and-PBR combos. Did his beer belly glow an iridescent white in the moonlight?
2. He has poor impulse control. Casper died because he ignored his responsibilities, spent all day sledding, and caught pneumonia. Sound familiar?
3. He’s a vegan, and he’s obnoxious about it. Casper once opted for a salad instead of a steak in a 2009 television episode and now he’s considered a vegan icon. Didn’t you get insanely embarrassed when he asked the waiter at Denny’s if he could get some raw shiitake mushroom bacon with his black coffee? And even more embarrassed when the waiter didn’t know what he was talking about and had to get the manager and they talked about “ethical corporate responsibility and conscious consumer capitalism” while you tried to look up how to make a Ken Bone costume for your dog?
Regardless, no matter if he’s a cartoon ghost or just a human loser, it’s time that you get a new…BOO!