NEW YORK CITY – Faced with unrelenting stress as President-elect, increasing attacks from all sides on a daily basis, and a variety of potential investigations into his business and foundational dealings, Donald Trump has been filling up his diapers at an unprecedented clip since the election.
Sources confirmed that Trump has been rage-pooping for years, and the family all but gave up trying to teach him to do otherwise a long time ago.
Trump’s daughter Ivanka did not deny that her father was causing at least twelve golden diapers a day to overflow with a black, feces-like substance, but said, “To make America great again, my father is working tremendously hard and will fill as many diapers as he needs to each day to make it happen.”
Witnesses say Trump most often packs his diaper with rancid defecation while watching cable news, becoming so enraged when someone criticizes him that he won’t calm down until he’s fired off a few tweets and his diaper is spilling down his legs and through the bottom of his pants, leaving Melania to change him.
“We’re working around the clock to prepare for his presidency,” Depend CEO Gareth Yancy said. “Since November, we’ve had to hire fifty new people just to keep up with the President-elect’s custom orders. No one can say Trump isn’t already creating jobs.”
