White House chief strategist, actual President of the United States, and white supremacist Steve Bannon looks like:
- Bill Belichick if he let himself go
- Your high school janitor who got arrested one day
- A guy the mob would call “Jimmy Sleazebag”
- Rex Ryan with acne scars
- The actor playing Jabba the Hutt in a local community theater production of Star Wars
- Every Alabama sheriff from 1933 to 1987
- A pile of cat puke that you forgot about cleaning for a few days
- One of those horrifying “this is what a cartoon character would look like in real life” depictions
- An up-to-date version of Philip Seymour Hoffman
- The skin suit alien from Men in Black
- He buys a lot of duct tape – like, too much duct tape
- Your uncle who hugged you a little too tightly as a kid
- The assistant coach for a JV football team who doesn’t believe in concussions
- Like he’d get asked to leave a Margaritaville
- A picture of a penis enhanced to 1,000x
- He always has a Hooters gift card in his wallet
- He is one hole punch away from a free lap dance
- A bad guy in an anti-smoking commercial
- An abusive husband from a Lifetime movie
- Like a Nazi whose face was being melted by the Ark of the Covenant but it stopped midway through
- The villainous district attorney in a John Grisham movie
- When you squint at a potato chip trying to make it look like a face
- Like his entire body has conditioned itself to exist solely on Dewar’s
- A man who would use a motorized cart even though he can walk perfectly fine
- A potato that fell out of your grocery bag and rolled under the porch and sat there all summer until you finally found it in november
- Alex Jones’ next evolutionary step
- The husband of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s woman costume in Total Recall
- A dog’s fart that accidentally crossed paths with a stream of wizard’s magic and became a living, breathing human being
- An old catcher’s mitt that was in the garage since you were a kid
- Like someone who doesn’t mind hanging out with Donald Trump all the time
