BOSTON – After weeks of trekking her ass to a nearby gas station, local 25-year-old Anna Hardly recently befriended her boyfriend’s elderly neighbor Linda Johnson to ensure she’d never have to drop a fat one in her true love’s toilet.
“I got the idea when I saw her struggling to pick her mail up off the ground. She was shaking real bad, and I thought, huh, I can use this to my advantage.” Hardley quickly scooped up the mail and handed it to Mrs. Johnson, adding that she’d love to see some pictures of Johnson’s grandchildren. “From there it was easy. I had her right where I wanted her.”
Hardley and Johnson became fast friends; since their first meeting they’ve been inseparable, meeting daily between 9:30 and 10:15 AM, usually after Hardley’s second cup of coffee. “She’s a lovely girl,” said Johnson. “At first I thought she might be trying to engineer some kind of Tuesdays with Morrie situation, but once I realized she was just trying to take a peaceful dump I was more than happy to help. We women have got to stick together. That’s why I voted for Hillary.”
