ALEXANDRIA, Va. – The local Salvation Army got a big donation this week, as an entire intercontinental ballistic missile system was graciously bequeathed to the organization by the United States government.
“Every little bit counts,” said store manager Duncan Fields, as a team of employees fiddled with the missile system’s computer to make it live. “I know someone in need could make great use of these incredibly accurate harbingers of destruction.”
Writing it off as a sizable tax deduction, the government is using the opportunity to upgrade its own weapons systems.
“To be honest, these ICBMs were just sitting in a hangar in the middle of the desert, collecting dust,” said colonel Michael Travis. “It’s a win-win for everybody.”
At press time, the missile system had not yet been purchased, though a number of interested customers had played around with the controls before moving on to the section of clothes and books.
