My friends keep saying “Oh, you liberals are so into your policies. You realize most people don’t pay attention to that don’t you?” and I’m all like – ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I’m a liberal because of the policies AND because of all the hot guys who are liberal enough not to mind the gays forming fan clubs in their honor.
With that in mind, here are my current favorite #LiberalHotties:
Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau
He’s my leading liberal man crush. Nothing says “freedom of the individual” more than his middle class tax breaks and his middle class breakdancing. Forget his inability to scrap a $15 billion Saudi arms deal and sneak a look at the guy’s actual arms. That’s a gun show worthy of a trade exhibition of its own. I’ve gone all Trudeau-eyed for him. #YesHeCanada
French President Emmanuel Macron
I would totally let him Eiffel Tower above me and pop my champagne cork because he would give me the freedom to choose this. This guy is so good at parties that he set up his own. He was always going to win the French presidency and he’s been on my favorites list for a while. Forget his banking background – he is totally worth investing in. #FrenchKiss
Netherlands Green Party Leader Jesse Klaver
I know what you’re thinking – he’s a Green and not a “proper” liberal – but social liberals get on my list when they are as socially acceptable to introduce to your friends as this guy. He increased the Greens’ number of seats four-fold in their elections earlier this year. I should totally meet him in a bar and ask him to show me around his environment after a little #DutchCourage.
Chairman of Germany’s FDP Christian Lindner
This guy is hotter than a mutually-run social enterprise. With a Daniel Craig-style haircut and a smile that almost breaks John Stewart Mill’s “harm principle,” this guy’s party used to share power with Angela Merkel. I’m glad he’s not hanging around with Merkel anymore because I don’t want to share him with anyone. #GermanSausage
Denmark’s Deputy Prime Minister Morten Østergaard
He’s the leader of the Social Liberal Party and holy free expression – he’s got the most adorable curls in his hair. He may be a former taxation minister but there is nothing taxing about what this liberal does to my eyes. I would seriously build a house out of Legos and wait for this Viking to invade my poorly constructed abode. #VikingOfMyHeart