Due to the serious and mounting risk posed to time travelers, the Time Travel Advisory Board has now restricted travel to the year 2017. Persons who wish to travel to the year 2017 will need special permission from the TTAB from this date forward.
The year presents special challenges for time travelers and with the growing number of time travelers visiting 2017 to witness some of the most bewildering moments in recorded human history for themselves, the TTAB is now limiting travel to that year.
“For many people, 2017 is a year they can’t even believe actually happened,” said Myron Littlebaum, travel agent for Tomorrow Today, a well-known time travel agency. “So we’ve been selling guided tours to some of the biggest moments of the year. The inauguration. The Russian spies in the White House. The FBI director firing. Hurricanes. Earthquakes. Charlottesville. The first daughter calling the president ‘Daddy.’”
“However, the problem is that our current sensibilities, in the year 2067, are so far advanced that time traveling to the year 2017 feels like swimming around in some sort of primordial slime. Our advanced brains simply can’t process such a primitive culture.”
Littlebaum went on to his say that his business is no longer offering any 2017 packages due to a growing number of lawsuits in which travelers returned to 2067 and found themselves railing against “libtards,” New York elites, and the mainstream media while descending upon thrift shops looking for folksy tiki torches.
“We’ve seen that 2017 does things to your brain that are almost impossible to explain,” Littlebaum said. “Having traveled to 2017 just to assess the possibilities of creating packages myself, I know that its effects are real. I returned to 2067 thinking that Kid Rock would be an viable candidate for government. That’s just one dangerous and damaging example of what brief exposure to 2017 can do.”
The TTAB is also, reportedly, looking into banning travel into 2016 as well.
“We’ve seen a spike in time travelers journeying to 2016 in an attempt to try and fix things and stop Bill Clinton from talking to Loretta Lynch in a plane on the tarmac, for example,” said Paul Walsh, communications director for TTAB “And while it’s ill-advised, we know there’s no nothing that a time traveler can do to help Hillary Clinton develop a human personality. That’s simply something time travel is no help with.”
