LAS VEGAS – As the country reels from the tragedy in Las Vegas, solace is being taken by the fact that Twitter’s new rollout of a 280-character limit for tweets is allowing twice as many thoughts and prayers to reach the victims and their loved ones.
Politicians in particular are grateful to have the extra length to show just how sorry they are that their complete inaction has led to another national nightmare. “People used to say that tweeting our thoughts and prayers was the least we could do,” said West Virginian Senator Shelly Moore Capito. “But with the added length, it’s now slightly more than the least we could do.”
The increased length of condolence messages is already having an effect. One injured victim was overwhelmed that these well-wishers were “spending a whole extra twenty seconds than they used to” and that it would surely be the difference in whether or not they could walk again.
At press time, President Trump was seen using his 280 characters to berate the CEO of Denny’s for a “subpar & SAD” Grand Slam he’d had this morning.
