HEAVEN – Citing significant safety concerns, about 3.4 billion human males were recalled last week by Heaven’s Department of Product Safety. With numerous harassment incidents coming to light, God has mandated that the department begin an immediate recall before men can inflict more harm on human females and the few human males not affected by the recall.
While the scale of this recall is unprecedented, according to the recall notice “you can’t be too careful.” The notice goes on to note, “…we’ve found a high percentage of men engaging in behavior that we never anticipated and didn’t detect despite eons of testing. This recall notice has been long overdue but due to the skill of the product in concealing their flaws by covering for each other, we were unable to act sooner.”
The notice says that God is “is aware of the seriousness of this recall and regrets not asking Heaven’s Department of Product Safety to act sooner.” He was also quoted as saying that he’s really bummed out about the whole recall because he really enjoys Louis C.K.’s comedy.
