- Please Disregard My Earlier Request to Be Taken Down to Atlantic City and Please Never Never Take Me There
- Roll of Thunder Road, Hear Me Cry “BRUUUUUUUUUUCE!” at Giants Stadium If I am Granted Tickets This Summer
- Holy Mother Can You Cool the Desire and Hungry Heart That Afflict Every Son and Daughter of a Factory Worker in This Crummy Shore Town
- Canticle to Make My Arms Swole and Rippling Underneath a Denim Vest
- Our Lady of My Hometown, Myyyyyy Hooome Toooown, Holy Mother of Yer Home Town, Yerrrrr Home Town
- Vespers for When I Stand Stone-Like at Midnight, Realizing I am Never Actually Getting Out of New Jersey
- Adoration of the Shroud of Stevie van Zandt’s Bandanas
- Wonder and Awe at Bruce Being the Least-Racist Half-Italian Half-Irish Boy to Come from Freehold, NJ
- Petition for My Cover of a Tom Waits Song to Get More Radio Play Than the Original, at Least in New Jersey
- Contrition for Every Studio Album Released After 1995, Especially But Not Limited to Devils & Dust
****St. Clarence Clemons was canonized in 2012. Can confirm – he is DEFINITELY in heaven. He rarely intercedes for the living, however, for he is rocking too damn hard on his solid gold sax to hear the prayers of tramps like us.
