Hey America. Zuck here.
Recent news has been troubling to say the least. Over the last few days, information has come to light that seems to implicate Facebook in the Russian hacking of the 2016 election. The data of 50 million users was taken and used to serve up propaganda that helped muddy the minds of the electorate in favor of Trump. And worst of all, the hashtag #DeleteFacebook started trending on our rival social network, Twitter.
Scratch that. Let me rephrase. The worst part of all this is Facebook’s stock market value has dropped $50 billion and counting. This is not good for anyone, especially me, the company’s single largest shareholder.
So, I’ve decided to finally break my silence and address this PR nightmare. It’s time to own up to this and place blame where it belongs: squarely on the shoulders of Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss.
If you’ll remember, (from the critically-acclaimed movie The Social Network in which I was very accurately portrayed by a hella whiny Jesse Eisenberg) I was accused of stealing the idea of Facebook from the much stronger and far more handsome Winklevoss twins, then winning a lawsuit of ownership based on obscure legalities. But the truth is, I never should have won that lawsuit. Facebook was all their idea. Everything. Even the “Like” button. And like a sneaky little weasel, I stole it from them to get rich. And now that I am extremely rich, and let me emphasize the word extremely, it’s time to set the record straight.
The Winklevoss twins deserve all the credit for Facebook. For the way it changed the internet, the way we communicate with friends and family, the way we engage with commerce, and especially for becoming a data mining juggernaut and hate speech breeding ground that’s currently tearing society apart thread by thread.
Was Facebook complicit with Cambridge Analytica in its conspiracy to work with Russia to sabotage the 2016 presidential election? Yes. Did we actively subvert democracy and exploit our users in the name of profit? Again, yes.
And on behalf of the Winklevoss twins, I sincerely apologize for what they’ve done. It’s high time someone holds them accountable.
