HUDSON, Mass. – Sixth-grader Carter Michaels stumbled upon a JCPenney ad lying on the family’s coffee table and the provocative nature of the two-page insert jumpstarted the young boy’s puberty and rocketed him through years of pubescent development in the span of minutes, sources report.
“I saw the Sizzling Summer Sale and the $17.99 St. John’s Bay capris and I felt every hormone in my body release into my bloodstream at once,” said Michaels, adding that the Worthington long-sleeve scoop neck woven blouse caused his testicles to drop like sandbags from a skyscraper. “It’s pretty cool to be a full-grown man, because now if I dress nice the teachers think that I’m a substitute and sometimes I don’t have to do my homework.”
Carter went on to say that his new body has lots of muscles and girls are pretty now.
