$1/month
- Will tweet “thoughts and prayers” after you live through a profoundly traumatic experience
$17,000/month
- Will tweet about policies that could have prevented this tragedy for 30 days before pivoting to another issue
- Plus all previous rewards
$21,000/month
- Will engage with the president in a subtweet battle
- Plus all previous rewards
$30,000/month
- Will give an impassioned filibuster; you get to choose what children’s books I read as I hold the floor for as long as I can
- Plus all previous rewards
$40,000/month
- Will vote on a bill without even reading it
- Plus all previous rewards
$50,000/month
- Will form a bipartisan committee that looks good on paper but is actually doomed to fail from the start
- Plus all previous rewards
$66,600/month
- Will say something deeply racist, sexist, or homophobic and back it up with religion, eugenics research, and conspiracy theories
- Plus all previous rewards
$75,000/month
- Will give you a clue about the lobbyist I’m secretly sleeping with
- Plus all previous rewards
$83,000/month
- Will make plans to shut down the government (again) on the day of the next federal budget deadline
- Plus all previous rewards
$100,000/month
- Will, at every moment, try to convince people that there is no point in fighting the status quo
- Plus all previous rewards