Locket
Give mom a timeless gold locket, complete with a photo of you that she can wear close to her heart. It will have her saying, “Why would I wear a photo of you around my neck? You’re 36. Give me grandkids already.”
Premium Chocolates
Satisfy mom’s sweet tooth and that’s about it with a box of delicious dark chocolates. She won’t want to share, not only because they’re yummy, but because she’s mad at you for making her the only woman in book club without grandkids.
Champagne
Help mom unwind with a bottle of her favorite bubbly! She’ll try to save it for something special, like when the unthinkable happens and you get pregnant, but you both know that’s not happening anytime soon.
Monogrammed Toiletry Bag
Ignite mom’s adventurous spirit with a cute travel bag that has her initials on it. Perfect for wherever the wind takes her, which she reminds you won’t be Disney with grandkids. She’ll be dead before they’re old enough.
Monthly Flower Delivery
Celebrate your love for mom all year long with a twelve-month subscription to flowers. Maybe then she’ll lay off the baby-making stuff when your new boyfriend comes to visit.
Spa Day
Treat mom to a relaxing spa day – mani, pedi, massage, the works! All that complaining about not having grandkids will (God fucking willing) be scrubbed, rubbed and peeled right off of her.
World’s Best Grandma Mug
Because at this point, screw her. Watch her face go through an Encyclopedia Britannica of emotions which stalls out around regret at your birth when you tell her it’s just a joke.
