Let’s face it: The Thai children trapped in the Tham Luang Nang Non cave and smash-hit show Martin have both captured international attention in their own ways. The rescue of these twelve boys and their coach has kept us on the edge of our seats for weeks; Martin could quite possibly be the best sitcom of all time.
So since this really is a numbers game, let’s crunch some data and look at how impressive both of these television events really were.
12 Coolio Appearances: Coolio made a guest appearance on one episode of Martin in 1995. Surprisingly enough, Will Smith, Salt N Peppa, Jackie Chan, and countless others made guest appearances on the smash-hit show as well. As for the Thailand boys, they were missing for nine days before they were found and rescue efforts were pursued. How many boys were missing? Twelve. So in Martin math, that’s a Coolio for every missing boy that was found.
11 Funkies: The word “funky” is said at least eleven times in the original Martin theme song. Eleven. That’s pretty darn close to seventeen, which is the amount of days that some of the children (and their coach) were trapped in the Tham Luang Nang Non cave.
636 Episodes of Martin Lawrence Cross-Dressing: Martin Lawrence portrayed a bevy of characters on Martin, with many of them being women. There weren’t any women trapped in the cave with the boys, but I’m sure Sheneneh Jenkins would’ve made those days feel like years if she was trapped inside, too.
2 Networks: Fox aired Martin for five glorious seasons and Fox News has surprisingly documented the children’s rescue without spin so far. We’ll see how long it takes before Fox News blames Hillary Clinton’s emails or the Obama administration for a monsoon that made the rescue efforts difficult.
1 No B.S. Gina: If Martin told Gina he was trapped in a Thai cave for seventeen days and that’s why he couldn’t visit her family on July 4th, she’d probably cross her arms and let Martin tell his side of the story. Then, Martin would embellish the truth and Gina would threaten to leave him or put him in the doghouse. Although the twelve Thai boys may not receive any punishment for their adventure, the coach should borrow one of my 1,584 episodes of Martin and learn how to wiggle out of accountability.
It’s nice to know that when these events finally came to a close, the Thai children were invited to the World Cup final* and we were blessed with Black Knight after Martin ended its run. Whether seventeen days of being trapped in a cave or a half hour in Martin’s apartment, we can’t get enough dramas that have a happy ending.
*Although the Thai boys couldn’t attend the World Cup final due to cave-accrued illness and Martin Lawrence made one too many movies in the Big Momma’s House series, we shouldn’t be greedy when it comes to things that make us feel good.
