WASHINGTON – After engaging in wanton destruction and causing hundreds of millions of dollars in damages in the Belarusian city of Mogilev in pursuit of black market arms dealer Alexei Kiramonov, Ethan Hunt earned his fourteenth disavowal from the Impossible Mission Force Monday, an accomplishment the agency’s human resources department is dreading.
“You have no idea how much of a headache this is for us,” HR specialist John Traversom said. “It’s not just removing him from our active agent system, but we still have to file mountains of paperwork each time someone is put on the disavowal list.”
Typically, IMF agents are disavowed once, maybe twice, in their careers, but Hunt has proven to be a particular thorn in the side of the HR department, spending much of his time at the agency going off the grid to try and clear his name for crimes he didn’t commit.
“How am I supposed to know where to send his final paychecks when that happens?” asked Gina Sparano, an agent hired specifically to handle Hunt’s ongoing disavowals.
The department has tried a variety of measures to keep Hunt on a more straight and narrow path, including lectures, role-playing scenarios, training videos, and ongoing workplace seminars, “but he usually just sends someone in a mask of himself to attend those,” Sparano said.
At press time, Hunt had once again been reinstated by the agency, and was notified while strapping himself to a rocket as part of a larger plot to catch Kiramonov, a sure sign of an impending fifteenth disavowal.
