Dread it. Run from it. It doesn’t matter – automation will still arrive. Whether you’re a long-haul trucker in Topeka or an investment banker in Manhattan, your job will soon be performed by a glorified Roomba. But hey, look on the bright side – even though the activity that gave you a reason to wake up in the morning will be stripped from you by a soulless computer, there’s still plenty to look forward to in this newfangled 21st century, such as:
1. Safer roads!
Self-driving cars have taken over the road! With AI at the wheel, traffic deaths per year have been reduced from 1.25 million per year to about three. And one of them deserved it!
2. New friends!
Whether you turn to booze, drugs, or gambling to cope with unemployment, you’ll find there are more members in your addiction groups than ever before! Grab a stale coffee and make a pal.
3. VR sex lounges!
With society unemployed, these bad boys are gonna open up all over town. And as a hollow husk of a human being, you’ll require far less sleep. More time for bangin’, baby!
4. More time to explore your hobbies!
After realizing how truly talentless you are, you can go back to the sex lounges!
5. More time with your kids!
Maybe not the ones who have grown estranged from you due to their own existential angst and anti-natalist hatred for being brought into this automated hell on earth. But the other ones!
6. More time with your significant other!
More time to find a divorce lawyer!
7. Greater opportunity to be present!
Without a reliable activity to make time fly, you’ll get to spend every waking second staring into the gaping maw of eternity, counting the seconds until your own demise. Now that’s engagement!
8. No taxes for you!
Without work, you’ll no longer contribute to society on a local, state, or national level ever again. Think of what you’ll save on TurboTax!
9. More time for the arts!
With your newly cleared calendar, you’ll master the art of masturbation in a manner never before seen in the annals of human history. With practice, you will reduce your refractory period to mere microseconds, eking ever closer to the state of endless orgasm known to Buddhists as nirvana. No more VR sex lounges for you, Enlightened One! Plus, it’s impossible to cry when you cum.