“Unbelievably, it is still legal to slaughter dogs and cats for the purpose of human consumption in 44 states across the country. This important legislation will prohibit the slaughter and trade of dogs and cats for human consumption, and provide penalties to ensure that individuals involved in the dog or cat meat trade are held accountable. Dogs and cats play a vital role in the collective experience of Americans and deserve protection and compassion.” – Reps. Vern Buchanan (R-FL) and Alcee Hastings (D-FL) in a joint letter concerning H.R. 6720
“Can ya’ll believe they just now made it illegal to eat cats and dogs?” exclaimed Tom as he flipped burgers on his new Weber Spirit E-310 grill. “The thought of someone even wanting to eat Sox makes me sick.”
He lovingly scratched Sox behind the ears with slightly greasy and bloody fingers.
“Here, here!” cried Bob as he chugged a Natty Light, then picked up his medium-well hamburger, otherwise known as a ground-up sacred Hindu symbol. “The idea is so disgustingly barbaric. We’re Americans for chrissakes. Dogs and cats are part of our damn family.”
He took a bite out of the Grade A Angus Beef that had left an overcrowded slaughterhouse a mere four weeks ago.
“Absolutely, babe,” murmured Debby as she laid out her deviled chicken embryos. Beth always begged her for the recipe at social functions!
“But more than anything, hopefully, this bill will set an example for all those Asian countries like China and the Philippines.” She shook her head in sad desperation and made a mental note to ask Bob Jr. if his friend Theo was Chinese or Japanese.
“Asians. They eat the weirdest stuff,” Clyde marveled as he slammed an intestine-encased hot dog made up of beef and/or pork trimmings down his throat. “How can they even stomach it? It would be like eating one of my own.”
“You guys, please,” Beth pleaded. “This conversation has completely ruined my appetite. Let’s talk about something else. Have I mentioned that Greg is taking us out to dinner tomorrow for our twentieth anniversary? He’s the cutest!”
“Oooh, where?” Everyone politely inquired with the grease of dead mistreated, malnourished animals dripping down their chins.
“I’m not sure, but definitely somewhere that serves veal,” Beth replied. “My taste buds are craving sophistication.”
