You should never have to borrow money to support your monster mashing.
If you ever have to switch to the bunny hop or jitterbug to clear your head from monster mashing, you have a monster mashing issue.
Monster mashing should always be a choice.
You should never actually mash anything while monster mashing, or as a result of monster mashing.
If you are ever monster mashing on a weekday in New Jersey, you have overdone it.
You should be able to drive by a graveyard without pulling over to do the graveyard smash.
Monster mashing to any music except the Monster Mash is a clear sign of going too far.
If anyone asks you to stop monster mashing, you have been monster mashing for at least five minutes too long.
Floating the idea of graveyard smashing on Bobby Pickett’s grave will never land with your friends and it should be taken as a sign that you need to cool it.
If you have a scrapbook called “The Transylvania Twist,” filled with selfies of you and a photoshopped “Drac” “gigging” it around Western Pennsylvania, your monster mashing has become a problem.
If you are ever monster mashing with a CW personality, something has gone temporarily right for you (those cats can MASH), but your life is on a dangerous trajectory.
Monster mashing should never be competitive.
Finally, if you are ever monster mashing to distract yourself from the havoc monster mashing has created in your life, your monster mashing has gone too far.
