ST. LOUIS – Eyes glued to his phone and following the free agent rumors with a constant swipe of the thumb, baseball writer Michael Chase hardly had time to realize that he placed his other hand directly on his hot stove.
“Jesus Christ!” Chase screamed in response to the number of Bryce Harper suitors and to the excruciating pain of placing his hand on a 350-degree coil. “Who is gonna land this guy?”
Upon tearing his hand away from the stove top and leaving hunks of his flesh behind, Chase managed to use both hands to send tweets confirming that the Braves signed Josh Donaldson to a big one-year deal while pontificating as to where the other big free agents will eventually sign.
“Who will land Patrick Corbin?” Chase tweeted, the blood pooling and smearing across his iPhone screen. “The Hot Stove is just starting to heat up!”
At press time, Chase was listing off all of the New York Yankees’ ideal trade targets, unaware that the flaming-hot stove had set his shirt ablaze.
