Year 1: You can finally fart in front of each other. Magical!
Year 2: Something unreturnable from Etsy.
Year 3: Clean the gutters exactly one time.
Year 4: Staring into your partner’s eyes as they catch you peeing with the bathroom door open. Bliss.
Year 5: I guess we should have kids now?
Year 6: A “fun outing” where you have to make all the arrangements for yourself.
Year 7: A little black dress THAT’S THE WRONG SIZE, MICHAEL.
Year 8: I feel like this isn’t even an important year?
Year 9: A night without the kids to make you realize how much you’ve grown to dislike each other.
Year 10: Chinese take-out. They forget to pack the egg rolls. You’re both too lazy to go back.
Year 15: I dunno, maybe a card or something?
Year 20: Store credit for Dockers.
Year 25: Memories of your first boyfriend, Alan. What’s Alan up to now anyways? Find Alan on Facebook. Deep like a photo of him and his niece.
Year 30: Carrying on an intense emotional affair with a neighbor.
Year 35: Divorce? Just kidding! You’re far too much in debt for divorce.
Year 40: Power walking regimen with your ladies group. You’re all going to Hilton Head together in the fall without your husbands.
Year 45: Selling your spouse’s personal data just for funsies.
Year 50: Make your ungrateful kids do something for once.
Year 60: You both die.
