The Seattle Grunge
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Logo: Depressed hockey stick
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Colors: Earth-tone plaid
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Mascot: Googly-eyed Kurt Cobain
The Seattle Java Junkies
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Logo: Fightin’ Cup O’ Joe
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Colors: Espresso, dark roast, mocha
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Mascot: Over-caffeinated Starbucks Mermaid
The Seattle Purple Haze
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Logo: Jimi Hendrix setting fire to a hockey stick
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Colors: Shiny metallic purple armor, red so confident he flashes trophies of war and ribbons of euphoria
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Mascot: The Axis: Bold-as-love anthropomorphic tab of acid on skates
The Seattle Twin Peaks
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Logo: The disturbing, hallucinatory images of a David Lynchian Pacific Northwest nightmare
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Colors: Over-saturated red, zig-zagged black and white, nuclear fallout ash
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Mascot: The Log Lady, her log, and the deafening screams of all the other logs throughout time that have been sawn down to make hockey sticks
The Seattle Fish Tossers
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Logo: Angry Chinook salmon with a black eye and missing front teeth
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Colors: Rainbow hues of a Pike Place Market fish stall floor at closing time
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Mascot: Surly fishmonger in a guts-stained apron
The Seattle Gentrifiers
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Logo: Construction crane made of hockey sticks towering over South Lake Union skyline
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Colors: Money, brunch, homeless encampment
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Mascot: Tech bro who never looks up from his phone
The Seattle Winter
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Logo: Ominous rain cloud in goalie mask
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Colors: Light gray, medium gray, dark gray
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Mascot: S.A.D. Sam, the marmot with seasonal affective disorder
The Seattle Amazons
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Logo: The Amazon smile, devouring an opposing player alive
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Colors: Fifty Shades of Bezos
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Mascot: Alexa, She Who Knows Your Darkest Secrets and Must Be Paid Tribute Lest She Reveal Them on the Jumbotron Between the Second and Third Period
The Seattle Wobblies
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Logo: Hockey-gloved hand representing the Industrial Workers of the World stabbing the octopus of capitalism with a hockey stick
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Colors: Red, symbolizing the blood of the labor movement shed in the struggle for union rights/Fifty Shades of Bezos, the color of our sworn enemy
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Mascot: Wally the Wobbly, who also doubles as the team’s NHL Players Union rep.
