Confession time, folks…
Two months ago, when my son Jeffrey got accepted onto his school’s honor roll, I was pretty jazzed. You see, not only did Jeffrey’s accomplishment prove that he was dedicated to the rigors of academic excellence, but even more importantly, it was a testament to my abilities as both a caretaker and as a role model.
And you know what, I’ll admit it: After hearing that my Jeff was an honor student, I was a very proud father.
Or, at least, I was… Until I remembered that pride is a sin in the Bible.
After that, I immediately stopped being the proud father of my honor student.
And I mean immediately.
But I can still remember how it all went down… I was sitting in my well-worn leather armchair, reading the latest edition of Harper’s Magazine, when my precious son Jeffrey ran into our living room, his face gleaming with pure, unadulterated joy.
Now, obviously, had I known back then that Jeffrey was about to tempt my soul with the mortal sin of pride, I would have never spoken to him. But how could I have known that my darling son would end up being the harbinger of such wicked darkness?
How could I have known?
“What’s up, Jeff?” I asked. Callously. Obliviously. Unaware of the sheer danger my soul was in.
“I made the honor roll at school, dad!” replied Jeffrey with a grin plastered across his deceivingly-cherubic face.
“Oh, did you?”
“Yup!”
“Well, I’m proud of you son.”
“Thanks dad!”
And that was all it took… that was all it took for me to forsake the well-trod path of piety, and to instead embrace the sinful life of being the proud parent of an honor student.
See folks, just like the serpent that tempted Eve, my son Jeffrey had brought an allegorically-poisoned apple into the walls of our suburban Eden. An apple that would end up tarnishing the very aura of my soul.
The transformation took place almost immediately.
Within mere days, I had purchased not one, but two “I’m a Proud Father of My Honor Student” bumper stickers. And within just a few short weeks, I was driving around the very center of downtown Minneapolis with these odious, sinful stickers just shellacked across the surface of my sporty, yet affordable, 2007 Kia Sedona.
For the whole world to see!
Eventually, things got so bad that, at my monthly book club, instead of discussing Anna Karenina (like I was supposed to) I ended up talking for an uninterrupted two whole minutes about my son’s accomplishment.
Even now, as I look back on these painful memories, I cannot help but to retch.
Of course, no story would be complete without a happy ending. And my story is no exception.
See, last weekend, as I was walking to the nearest bodega to purchase yet another “I’m Proud of My Honor Student” bumper sticker for my trendy, yet fuel efficient, 2007 Sedona, I remembered my favorite quote from the Book of Proverbs. A quote which goes as follows:
PROVERBS 16:18-19
Pride cometh before destruction,
A haughty spirit before a fall.
Better to be lowly in spirit along with the oppressed
Than to share plunder with the proud.
And that was all it took, folks.
After I remembered these sage words of wisdom, I immediately stopped being the proud father of my honor student and returned to the life of humility that I had once embraced so completely.
What. A. Relief.
But even now, to this day, I’m still haunted by all that I have said and done.
And so, to anyone reading this article (who may or may not have sins of their own), I want you to heed my arduous story. And to learn from it. Because whether you’re the “Proud Wife of a U.S. Marine,” or the “Proud Brother of a Yale Graduate,” or even “The Proud Mother of 6 Adopted Kittens,” I promise that there is still a chance for your redemption.
Just remember: If I can stop being the proud father of an honor student, anyone can.
