1. Get a tandem bicycle. Obviously.
2. Secure a large house with a wraparound porch for all those holiday get-togethers. Try if you can to get the house from the movie Field of Dreams. A lot of patients seem to live there.
3. A carnival. The silver-haired couple needs somewhere to ride their tandem bicycle to for their outing.
4. Add in a happy blob-like figure with limbs that can take the form of the bladder, lungs or mucous depending on messaging. Think Casper the Friendly Ghost, but living. Said blob can even be sitting on porch at large perfect house.
5. Edit out all footage of healthcare consumers vomiting after their carnival rides due to balance and gait issues. Do not call attention to the fact that this nausea will keep silver-haired couple from being able to bike home.
6. Make sure a trained auctioneer narrates the list of side-effects so viewers can’t catch the subtle “may cause death” warning. In the event you cannot get an auctioneer, consider selecting an upbeat Motown tune.
7. Edit out all footage of healthcare consumers passing out from fatigue from the happy family gathering on the cream couch. They all have cream couches. Do these couches come with the prescription?
8. If you’re going to cast a well-known celebrity, consider the implications. I don’t ever want to know if Dennis Quaid needs help in the bathroom.
9. Feel free to illustrate the “patient” feeling better by waking up and doing the type of stretch teens do in high school musicals.
10. Always have a realistic call to action. Encourage viewers to ask their doctors if tandem biking is right for them.
