There’s nothing wrong with a little flatulence. In fact, flatulence is healthy. But what about when you flatulate out of your vagina? In the throes of passion, two sweaty bodies collide and sometimes a little toot comes out. Those tiny toots are called queefs, and can actually be more beneficial for your relationship than you may have thought.
Here are eleven ways queefs are surprisingly good for your relationship:
1. Keep It Silly. Nothing solidifies partners in crime like a shared sense of humor. Queefs sound silly and can be the perfect inside joke. Lighten the mood by remembering that good ol’ wholesome queef from the night before.
2. Disguise Real Farts. Was it a fart? Maybe. Was it a queef? Maybe. When you don’t know where its coming from, it’s less of a big deal, putting less stress on your relationship (and your tummy).
3. The Perfect Surprise. Everybody loves gifts. Queefs are a fun way for you and your partner to remind one another that you love each other. Send your partner a queef in the mail – make them feel special!
4. New Couple Friend. Queefs are good for your relationship because they are your new neighbors who just moved in next door and you guys needed new pals to go bowling with anyway.
5. They’re an Aphrodisiac. Queefs are the green M&Ms of bodily sounds. Queefs can act as an aphrodisiac when sautéed with vegetables, making the perfect side dish. Nothing can mimic the stimulating taste of a vaginal flub paired with a steak tartare.
6. Mood Music. Queefs make beautiful soundtracks for lovemaking. It’s fun for everyone to do it to a beat! Fun fact: The bass guitar in Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On” is a queef slowed down to just 120 beats per minute!
7. Active Listening. Queefs are more than silly sounds, they’re great listeners. Queefs will listen to both sides of you and your partner’s argument.
8. Childcare/Date Night. Queefs make great babysitters. You and your partner deserve a night out. Treat yourself and let that queef watch the kids.
9. Logging off. With the internet at our fingertips, we spend hours glued to our phones, missing out on time with our partners. Try putting down your phone this weekend. Queef a 1,000-piece puzzle with your partner. Read that queef in The New York Times and have an open discussion about it. Get outside with your partner for a quality queef around the neighborhood.
10. Networking. Queefs are the mayor of Fart Town. Queef mayors can appoint you and your partner to community positions that will help you make a positive change in Fart Town. Working towards a shared goal can fortify your relationship and help give you both a greater purpose. Vote for Mayor Queef!
11. Financial Relief. A queef is a great opportunity to become financially bonded with your partner – a milestone in any relationship. Invest with your partner in a 401queef. Head online and open a brokerage queef with Queef Schwab. A single queef can lay the foundation for a prosperous future together.
