Los Angeles-based construction company seeking motivated candidate to join very loud and impossibly disruptive team for new construction site, a luxuriously 85-unit apartment complex where 98% of the work is needed on the unit directly outside Sam’s bedroom window. Top candidates are motivated self-starters, knowledgeable of construction procedures, and ceaseless with a hammer.
Job responsibilities include:
- Starting every day with 20-30 minutes of uninterrupted buzzsaw use
- Reading blueprints and contract documents
- Transporting materials to/from site
- Blasting Pitbull, and only Pitbull, from shitty radio speakers
- Assisting tradesman and machine operators
- Providing migraines
- Communicating with team members at the highest conceivable volume
- Banging slats of wood together often for no reason at all
- Never giving Sam a fucking break
- Working every second of every day, yet inexplicably not making any progress after nine months
- Mixing concrete.
Candidates that describe themselves as “even remotely considerate” need not apply!