Achieving Zen requires strongly identifying with all your emotions. Yes, some are more comfortable than others: joy, excitement, sex, cocaine. But, their negative counterparts are equally important. Embrace the sorrow, the existential dread and even the white-hot rage.
Did your boss forget that you’re a human being today? Instead of sitting at your desk and spinning your fidget spinner with so much force it could fly into orbit, channel that strength into hurling all her shit off her desk. Then smash her dumb computer against the wall and tell her how you feel.
Feelings are what make us human. She cannot recognize you if you don’t recognize yourself.
If your roommate isn’t doing the dishes day in and day out, don’t be passive-aggressive. Don’t wash that cup for her. Just punch her in the face. Like how fucking hard is it to fucking put one fucking cup in the fucking dishwasher?
That release is so freeing. Now breathe. Ah.
Did someone cut you off on the freeway? Instead of bottling that angry feeling and letting it fester inside of you for years, crash into the dude’s car. Hard. It might cost you thousands of dollars in damages but the emotional relief will be priceless. That Tesla douche! What does he think, he’s fucking better than you because he’s driving a small-dick car? Scream at that annoying asshole dickhat until your lungs pop out of your chest. Truly feel the feeling.
This is the first step in accepting yourself and the wonderful rainbow of emotions that confront us every day.
Is your best friend consistently late to every plan you make? Does she force you to wait alone in dark bars? When she finally gets to you, instead of pretending like you’re fine while making underhanded snipes at her all night, slap her and throw a drink in her face. A bright neon blue drink that will stain her designer crap shirt and make it look like a little kid ate too much paint and threw up on her. That stupid bitch. Next time show up on time.
This. This is the first step in developing healthy relationships. Communicating your feelings to your friends is invaluable.
Is your boyfriend ignoring you again? And pretending it’s because he fell asleep? We all know he was playing fucking Dota. Don’t let him seduce you into forgiving him.
Ask yourself, what is this feeling trying to tell me? Is there a message here? Feel it. Hold onto it.
Embrace it and fucking stab him. Stab him dead. That’s what you want to do.
Listen to your body. Attend to your innermost feelings.
When you see his blood on your hands, you will realize that rage exists to keep us all safe. Anger evolved to ensure our survival in the face of predators, threats and inane fucking dumbasses.
When you get to jail, use that precious alone time to meditate.
You, my friend, are one step closer to pure utter Zen.
