To: Leigh Webber (leigh@wegothisyouguys.com)
From: Montgomery Britterage (montgomery@wegotthisyouguys.com)
Hi, Leigh,
I’m sorry we haven’t been able to catch up about my review! It’s been a crazy few weeks. In the meantime, I wanted to address the rumor I heard that the office is going to stop offering cashews, which will definitely affect me/my performance in the following ways:
1. These crazy Project Managers refuse to stop making unreasonably early meeting times! I’m like, if you want me there at 9:30am (?!), I’m gonna have to scarf down some fucking cashews, you know? (Thanks for letting me swear, Leighster – you’re a very cool boss!)
2. Cashews are high in protein, which I’ll need more of as soon as I become a vegetarian. Ever since I saw a butcher with a cow head when I was just lil’ Montgomery, I’ve thought about doing this and I feel sure it will happen very soon!
3. I need a reason to swing by the kitchen, which puts me in the path of Jordan’s desk. Jordan and I almost made out at that party for Lauren (what a great party even though she got fired!) and I need to make sure it definitely happens when Donald Cortland is finally discovered as a cheating weasel and canned, and we have a party for him. Once Jordan and I are together, it will be much easier for me to concentrate.
4. Speaking of concentration, Leighminator, just a reminder about my ADHD (which I’m now one-hundo-p positive I have, per psychedout.com.) The action of licking cashew remnants off my fingers helps me to focus on the job at hand (and on scheduling that review!)
5. I have gotten pretty good at throwing cashews up in the air and catching them in my mouth, which is super good for my confidence. (When we can finally schedule that meeting, I’m gonna need that LOL!)
6. Exercise! I don’t play ping pong, pool, darts or skee-ball, and since I now sit in the Big Ideas Bullpen, the kitchen is quite the hike for me, even if I take the non-Jordan route! This is good for my health and my focus (reminder, Cardi Leigh: ADHD)
7. Trails. Let’s face it – the geography of our building is pretty confusing! Cashews help me find my way from Floor 3/Conceptualization Capital to Floor 4.5/Animation Ideation and back to the Bullpen way faster.
8. I just really like cashews, F. Leigh Bailey! And the thought of this… it just really really hurts, okay? I almost wrote this on paper so you could see the tear stains! (Speaking of Bailey, maybe this is a case for a lawyer! JK but maybe? AHHHH IDK ADHD LOLZ!)
Happy to go over all of this when we finally get to meet, but in the meantime I hope we can keep the cashews (see above)!
Thanks a bunch,
Montgomery
P.S., has Jordan ever said anything to you? You don’t have to tell me but it would be cool if you did.
P.P.S., Let me know if you need any information on Daniel Cortland.