WASHINGTON – When pressed on their reasons for believing a war with Iran may be necessary, several US military leaders and foreign policy advisors stated Wednesday that they could just really use a win right now.
While speaking to the press, National Security Advisor John Bolton clarified that his support for a war with Iran is in no way motivated by oil, or selfish interests, but that he simply wants to help the US military get back in the groove, and shake off a rocky seventy years.
“It’s been a tough run, we’ve tried our best, we left everything out there, but we just haven’t been able to get a win in several decades,” Bolton said. “I think this could be the war to change that.”
These views were echoed by several high-ranking military officers who expressed their concern that all of this losing was getting in the boys’ heads, and that the best way to get over it was to just get back out on the field.
At press time, Bolton was seen trying to fire up the troops by playing Eminem’s “Lose Yourself” over a highlight reel from Hiroshima.
