I need to focus on being a good person again. That’s why I pulled you aside, while you were boiling some water for your green tea, to unload the weight of This Thing I Heard.
You know Jason. You know I like Jason a lot. Hell, I’d do anything for him, but the guy’s a huge gossip. And you know I hate that kind of thing, but This Thing About Karen’s really weighing me down.
I can see you’re in a rush; that’s why you’re not making eye contact (I get it, hot water and all – requires your full attention). But I need you to focus so you can fully appreciate What Jason Just Told Me About Karen.
This might be a good time for a disclaimer, before I tell you: Jason heard this from Karlie, who I heard heard it from Ricardo. I don’t know if Ricardo’s is an eyewitness account, but he very well could have been in the room. Solid guy, Ricardo. Love him to death, but I swear, if he would just quit his yammering, the gossip mill in this damn office would shut down and we’d all be better for it.
I know you and Karen grab lunch sometimes, so maybe you’ve got a different perspective on things. No? That’s fine, but just remember to be discreet. I’m passing this on to you as a close colleague – hell, almost a friend. You’re doing me a favor, really, because I needed to get This Thing I Heard off my chest.
Go back to your desk with that green tea and keep this between the two of us (and Karlie and Ricardo and, now that I think about it, probably also Jennifer). We’d hate for this to get back to Karen.